OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
