My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
