youre lurking in front of me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
