So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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