that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
