Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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