She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
