I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
