Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
