it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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