and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
