He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
