At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
