no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
