You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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