am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
