Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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