Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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