We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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