We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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