update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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