she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
