He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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