Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
even my farts smell like vagina
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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