eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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