Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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