I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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