May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i love accidental penises.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
