I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
