At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
be right there i have to get my cape
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
