last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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