similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
