i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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