booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
