Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
