Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
