I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
