Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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