The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
