Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
