Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
