STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
