He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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