the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
