I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think your dad took our porno
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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