You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
