He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
