bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
