I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
