I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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