i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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