My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
